1. So Gilmore Girls is coming soon to a Netflix near you. I’m not saying this is a big deal or anything but…
This is huge.
2. If you’ve not yet had the pleasure of experiencing the joys of Stars Hollow…
Brace yourself because your life is about to become ENRICHED.
3. But if you’re already well versed in Diner a la Luke however, say goodbye to that exercise you’ve been doing.
And by exercise, I mean leaving the comfort of your duvet to stand up and walk to your TV to eject a disc and put the next one in. Hurray!
4. Regardless, when October 1 rocks up, you’re going to need to grab all the junk food from all directions.
7. You’re going to put on a few pounds.
It’s OK. Embrace it.
8. You’ll need to learn to prioritise.
Things like showering, seeing people, and convincing your mum that you’re still alive aren’t that important, when you really think about it.
9. UNLESS you choose the binge-partner-in-crime route. In which case the decision about which loved one(s) to spend these next few precious viewing months (weeks) with is vital.
Also, he/she better have a Netflix account.
10. No pressure but you’ve got to make the right decision.
A Gilmore bond isn’t just for binge, it’s for life.
11. Which leads me to cutting off all non-Gilmore associates. They just won’t get you anymore. You don’t need them. You hear me? YOU DON’T NEED THEM.
You have Lorelai now.
12. Sometimes you’ll need to leave the house, for groceries or toilet paper or something.
It won’t go well and you’ll regret it.
13. And sometimes hearing ONE SECOND of the theme song before you skip ahead will be enough to push you off the edge.
Other times you’ll dance around your room to it, singing your little heart out. Forgive us Carole King, for we are fickle beings.
14. At some point you’ll get FOMO.
15. You should only plan for one social event in October. It should be Halloween.
And your costume should be Kirk related.
16. Oh, you have to earn a living you say? Well is there a streaming device at your place of business? Yes? Then you may resume.
18. But just as you’re relaxing and soaking in that delicious pop culture education…
(Always have a search engine on hand.)
19. …and realising your best friends are fictional…
Where you lead, I will follow, anywhere, that you tell me to, Rory.
20. It’ll end and your whole world will feel like it’s caving in.
You’ll be forced to readjust to real people talking at real human speed. I know, what a bore.
21. But…success! Because you’ve finished the Gilmore Girls, you Sarcasm Jedi, you.
Oh, look, it’s 2015 outside.
22. And you’re a better person now.
So go start back at the beginning. And this time make notes.